It doesn''t mean that he would leave his mate for me, and I wouldn''t want him to be with me just because of the baby.


    To spend my life loving someone who felt trapped by my side? No thank you, I would rather do this alone.


    As Sophia ces the monitor on, my chest bes constricted, the sudden realisation dawning upon me that I am going to be a single mother.


    An overwhelming impending sense of fear that clouds my mind.


    In all honesty, I felt like a fraud. A bad mum before even having the baby. As soon as the baby appears on the screen it will be all too real, and I''m not ready. I''m not prepared.


    "Can we stop." I shout out, unable to breathe. My chest continuing to tighten as the air I inhale doesn''t seem to have any oxygen in it. I was suffocating from the inside out, it''s the only way to exin it. "What''s going on?" Dad''s asks as Sophia helps me to sit up, her eyes watching me carefully.


    "Cleo?"


    "I can''t...I''m sorry I thought I was ready for this but I''m not." I pant out, pain now registering in my heart.


    In truth I''m not ready to ask myself if what I am doing is the right thing for the baby, or for me.


    "We can take a break, you cane back in a few times. I know this is all very overwhelming." Sophia tries to calm me as she rubs my back...encouraging me to take small deep breaths.


    That was an understatement. It was one thing to think I can do this alone, without him...but to then actually do something without him, without giving him a choice.


    To face my baby knowing full well of the choice I was taking away...


    No this wasn''t right, he should be here.


    I need to get out of here, I can feel the walls closing in.


    "Yes, I''lle back in a few days." I hurry to wipe the gel off my stomach, cing my hoodie back on and excusing myself from Sophia''s doctor office.


    I needed space, I needed time to think.


    I head home, not waiting for Mum and Dad. They will have questions and I need to give myself that breathing space to think on suitable answers.


    I keep lying to them, I know I do.


    But I''m too in-deep now, and I have to remain on this runaway speeding train I have created.


    Until it crashes around me.


    In thefort of my room, I rest my body on the bed. Wrapping the bedspread across me forfort. I suddenly felt cold.


    Did I just have a panic attack? I''ve


    never experienced one before but the struggling to breathe, the


    tightening of my chest, the way my vision started to pound as if it was mimicking the beats of my heart. He had to be one... surely.


    I just needed toy here, seekingfort in familiarity of my bedroom. Take slow deep breaths.


    I reach for my phone when it vibrates on my bed stand, thinking it would be Dad trying to get a hold of me because I have closed off my mind link.


    But I''m surprised to see it is an unsaved number.


    I click on it, knowing immediately who the sender is. Alpha Than.


    Morning Cleo, just wanted to check you are okay? T


    I suppress a moan, why does he keep texting me. I told him I was safely homest night but only because he imed he would phone the alpha office if I didn''t.


    I didn''t want Mum and Dad to know I had met with Maya, and I certainly didn''t want it to be known that he caught me being sick by the side of the road.


    They wouldn''t let me off pack grounds ever again.


    Hey, all good thanks. C


    I keep it short, not leaving it open for more conversation. I''m confirming that I am fine and that he doesn''t need to take it any further.


    But my eyes widen when another messagees through.


    Can we meet? I want to discuss something with you. T


    I reread his message a number of times, my thumbs hovering over my phone wondering how to respond. What could he have to discuss with me, he doesn''t even know me.


    Please...I can exin in person.


    Another messagees through, followed by another.


    I can help...just hear me out.