Chapter 228: Not Enough_Realm of Monsters

Chapter 228: Not Enough

 The air was thick with snowfall, Rhian could only see a few paces ahead. The sun wouldnt rise for another few hours. Thenterns lined down the streets did little to light the way. Still, Rhian marched through the snow with clear certainty, she had gone down this street many times.

 Feli shivered from atop the saddle.

 Rhian nced back at her, Are you alright?

 Ill manage, she smiled weakly.

 Were almost there, Rhian turned back and quickened her pace. Do you think hes okay?

 ...Not really, no. But if we dont do anything hes just going to keep getting worse.

 How long has he been sneaking out? Rhian asked hesitantly.

 A few months now, Feli admitted. He barely sleeps.

 Why didnt you say anything sooner?

 Stryg didnt want to make a big deal out of it, Feli whispered. I dont think he wants us to know But hes hurting. His nightmares have only gotten worse.

 Were here Rhian stood in front of the private courtyards gate.

 Feli mbered down the centaurs saddle and trudged over to the gate. She pulled out the key her husband had given her and unlocked the gate. The runes engraved on the gateway red to life briefly. The locks hinges gave way and the gate swung open.

 Stryg and Lysa stood a dozen paces away at the center of the courtyard, where the snow had been cleared out in a small ring. He ducked under Lysas sword and swung Nameless at her. Themia pulled back and evaded the attack with ease. Strygs ear twitched, he stumbled to a halt and turned to the gateway.

 Feli? Rhiannon? Stryg furrowed his brow. What are you two doing here?

 Looking for you, Lysa sheathed her sword.

 Stryg did a double-take, Wait. You knew they wereing?

 I could hear Rhians heartbeat over the blizzard, Lysa shrugged.

 And you didnt say anything? Stryg asked, annoyed.

 Why would a prisoner help her jailer? Lysa smirked.

 Stryg, we need to talk, Feli said.

 Can this wait until morning? Im a bit busy with sword practice, Stryg said.

 No, I dont think it can, Feli said firmly.

 He sighed and threw Nameless on the snow a few paces away. Im listening.

 I was hoping we could talk more privately, Feli stared pointedly at themia.

 Lysa has better hearing than even me, Stryg said. Shell hear whatever you have to say, even if she wants to or not.

 Ooo! Can I stay then too? Rhian asked excitedly.

 Feli sighed and looked Stryg in the eyes, Youve been distant.

 Ive been busy, he said curtly.

 Youve been avoiding me us, Feli stepped closer.

 Ive been training.

 Stryg thats called running from your problems.

 He sighed loudly, Like most people I have many problems, but unlike them, mine can all be solved with a single solution. Thats why Im training. To get strong enough to get rid of all of our problems.

 Is it really? Feli asked softly.

 What is that supposed to mean? Stryg narrowed his eyes.

 Feli stepped closer, I know you have nightmares every night. I know you came here to not think of what happened that night at Widows Crag.

 Stryg stiffened at the mention of the cliffs in the south of Dusk Valley. For a moment, there was pain in his eyes, then it was gone. I dont know what youre talking about.

 You mumble in your sleep, you scream in your nightmares, Feli reached his side and grabbed his hand. I know you think what happened that night was your fault. But it wasnt. You were caught in the middle of an ambush, it could have happened to anyone.

 Stryg closed his eyes tightly, ...But it happened to me. I was the one who failed to keep them safe. They didnt deserve to die and everyone knows it. Callum, Kegrog, Freya, Kitty, Gale, they all stay quiet. He smiled bitterly, But I know they me me.

 No one mes you for what happened to Clypeus, Feli shook her head.

 Tell that to Nora, Stryg stepped away and turned his back.

 I know you''re scared, dammit, so am I! I almost lost you, Stryg! Feli yelled. You have no idea how it feels to watch you lying unconscious and bloodied in an infirmary. I know what its like to feel powerless To know there is nothing that I can do to help the love of my life as he fights for his life.

 Stryg slowly looked back at her.

 Feli held his cheeks in her hands and smiled, But were not powerless. You are not powerless. If it wasnt for you, Mel and that dumb cook would have been lynched by that gang. You saved them. You are strong, strong enough to protect the ones close to you. What youre doing now, pushing yourself beyond your limits, closing yourself off, trying to ignore your feelings Its hurting you.

 Stryg swallowed, If hurting myself is the price to grow stronger, then it is a small price, and one I will dly pay.

 Feli looked at him in disbelief, Why do you want power so badly? Why do you train so desperately?

 You wouldnt understand.

 What couldnt I possibly understand? sheughed incredulously.

 This is a waste of time, he shook his head.

 No, tell me! What cant I understand?

 It doesnt matter.

 Stryg tried walking away, she grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back, Dont try to run from this. What are you hiding? What are you so afraid of telling me!

 That Im worthless! the words burst deep from his throat.

 Feli pulled her hand back and frowned, What?

 Rhian gasped and stumbled back a step. Lysa narrowed her eyes, but kept silent.

 Stryg looked away, he couldnt bear to look at Feli. ...Only thepetent are allowed in the Sylvan Tribes, because they understand what it takes to survive in this Realm... The Blood Fang Tribe took one look at me and they knew, they knew, I wasnt worthy. He took a shaky breath, But I thought, I hoped, that they were wrong, that I could change. So I worked hard, harder than any other of my tribemates No matter how hard I tried, I was never enough. They all knew I was worthless and so did I.

 Stryg conjured a small me over his palm, When I discovered I was a mage, I thought things would be different. So I started training again. I believed, no, I hoped I wasnt that weak goblin anymore. I thought I was strong but Im not. Im just the same worthless goblin that failed the Blood Fang.

 He closed his palm and smothered the me, And someday youll all realize it too. Just like my friends did. Just like the Blood Fang did If I cant be strong, if I cant protect you, then what use do I have to any of you?

 Stryg, you think Im here because youre strong? Feli asked.

 You married me because you thought I could provide you with a rich lifestyle, he shrugged glumly.

 No, I started dating you because I wanted to escape the slums of the Commoner District. Feli red at him, But I stayed with you because I love you. If I just wanted to live like some rich housewife I could have married any wealthy merchant that stopped by the Merry Crescent and there were many, believe me. You were different and funny in the strangest of ways, you still are.

 Im not Stryg mumbled.

 Feli grabbed him by the shoulders, I chose you. Not your magic. I chose you, the blue goblin of Vulture Woods. The Blood Fang tribe was wrong about you. I know their words hurt you deeply and they still haunt you, but believe me when I say you dont need their eptance, you don''t need their approval.

 Damn right! Rhian said.

 Feli smiled, Look around you, Stryg. Rhian and I are here for you because you are our family. And were your family. You dont need to be the most powerful mage in the Realm to have a ce to belong, to have people who see you are worthy of their love. You already have it. Isnt that enough?

 Stryg bit his lip and closed his eyes. He could still see Clypeus, on his knees, a bloody hole in his chest. Feli and Rhain were next to Clypeus, their bodies broken and covered in blood. Anger red in his chest.

 Stryg? Feli whispered.

 He opened his eyes, he couldnt let that happen, he wouldnt. Its not enough. Im not giving up, not now. Trust me, I will be powerful and when I am, I will make our tribe strong. Stryg gripped his chest, I wont lose anyone else. I will take back what Ive lost. Ill make them acknowledge me, the Blood Fang, Plum, everyone!

 ...I see, Feli bit her lip. So were still not enough for you huh?

 Stryg frowned, Thats not what I meant.

 It doesnt change how you feel, Freya took a step back and sniffed.

 Whats wrong with you, Stryg!? Rhian yelled angrily. Ive always backed you up, but this time youre wrong! Youre hurting Feli!

 Its fine, Rhian, Feli smiled bitterly. He doesnt mean to. He just has different priorities than us.

 What are you talking about? Stryg said.

 Families put each other first, Feli said. We open up to each other.

 What does that even mean? I am putting us first! Stryg yelled.

 You just dont get it, you idiot! Rhian pped his shoulder.

 The moment her fingers brushed his arm, her hand seized up and she copsed on the floor. She scratched at her throat, unable to breathe.

 Rhian! Stryg ran over to her.

 The Prime Edict Lysa muttered darkly.

 No! I didnt do this! Stryg shook his head, panicked.

 Feli sat down and pulled Rhians upper body over her legs. Breathe, sweetie. Just breathe. Its okay, youre okay.

 Rhians grey eyes darted around, she wheezed feebly.

 Stryg brushed Rhians ck hair aside, Please, be okay. Please, I need you.

 Rhians lips parted wide open, she gasped.

 Shes breathing! Shes okay! Feli cried out in relief.

 Rhian looked at Stryg, bewilderment in her eyes. ...W-what did you do?

 I-I I swear I didnt mean to, Stryg mumbled.

 Your powers are growing, Mortem Child, its only reasonable that your control over the beast-kin has grown too, Lysa hissed. I told you, Rhinanon. Hes controlling you, he always has, even if he doesnt realize it.

 No, Stryg backed away. No, this has never happened before. I dont know what I just did, but well figure this out, Rhian. We always do.

 Rhian nodded hesitantly, I believe you, Stryg I just Im tired. I think Im going back to the stables and get some sleep.

 Ill go with you, Feli said.

 Count me in, Lysa nodded.

 Ille with, Stryg said.

 No. Weve already taken enough time from your training, Stryg, Feli said sternly. When you want to focus on this family more than your magic, lets talk.

 Wait, Feli, thats not what I meant! Rhian, Im sorry! Stryg yelled weakly.

 Feli didnt bother to respond. Rhian, Lysa, and her walked out and closed the gate behind them. Stryg stood alone in the empty courtyard.

 Fucking shit, dammit! he screamed in frustration and flung a fireball into the wall.

 The orange spell exploded in a st of sparks and mes. He threw another and then another. Numerous colors of mana surged through his veins, answering his cries of anger. He hurled shards of stone at the dummy targets. A small whirlwind blew around him, throwing the snow high up into the air.

 He casted spell after spell, throwing all his emotions into the magic. His breath quickened and his heart rate sped up. A small part of his mind warned him that his body was overheating from excessive casting, but he didnt care. He kept casting until his arms ached and his lungs burned. He felt dizzy, his legs gave underneath him. Stryg copsed on the te-tiled floor, the snow did little to soften the fall.

 The snowkes tumbled down the sky in a slow, almost nonchnt manner. He wished things were so simple, that he could move through the world without a worry.

 Strygs eyes burned, his vision blurred. He opened his eyes and stared up at the dark sky and the snowkes falling down. Somehow, this seemed familiar. The faintest of whispers scratched at a forgotten memory

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Chapter 228: Not Enough